...This issue probably doesnt concern many people, but I am going to take a stab at it, seeing that it has been a topic of discussion in my household for the last....lets say 2 years. "Marriage", but I am not going to dive so deep into the topic ill start with first dates.
This past June, on the 5th of the month to be exact my handsome ambitious brother who just happens to be a med school student celebrated his 25th birthday. We all --(the family and a few friends) came together over a nice meal at NOBU, and toasted to a MAN, who has come into his own. During the dinner the topic of dating came up--men and women and first dates. To my disadvatage I was the only woman at the table, independant of my mother, who is married of 28 years (today! happy anniversay mom and dad) and choose to stay out of the discussion, interjecting her few points here and there.
First dates...not as straight forward as it might initally sound. In the year of 2009 I cant really remember how many first dates I went on. The conversation went something like this--
me: there are so few good men out there now days...them: what??!! are you crazy, its probabaly the places you frequent dont have men of substance there, because there are a host of quality men out there, they just dont go parading around with a sign on their backs saying "I.AM.A.GOOD.MAN...me: ummm, nope, I beg to differ, I am a single 22 year old, college graduate, who is self-sufficent and independent to all extents of the word,finer than a china glass, who takes care of my mutha-fuckin-bussiness, and still finds it almost impossible to find a man of substance and quality (that compliments my style) to take me out on a fucking real first date! It is almost as if the idea, concept, notion is non-exsistent...them: well where do you go? because if your looking to find a good man at the bar of the hottest new night club, sorry my dear it isnt going to happen. Good men are in good places, and the club has a negative conotation in and of itself that is not somthing you should be trying to build a relationship or anything substantial out of. me: its not just the club! its everywhere...the grocery store, the park, the mall, gym..etc, etc. them: have you tried the library, a college level science or english class, a art exhibit? me: ummm no, because typically when i am in the library, in class, or at an art exhibit I am not looking for boys. them: well then you havent really been looking in the right places....me: (feeling a tiny bit defeated) whatever, i dont think all the good men hang out in those places truthfully, I believe that the quanitity of quality men has diminished, men are much more comfortable wanting to "kick-it" with you or come to "chill" at your spot then take you out to dinner or grab a coffee and really get to know and engage you. They would rather plop down on your couch pop in a movie, dim the lights in hopes to get you loose and make a move. Its almost as if the young men of today are living vicarously through the top 10 rappers who speak of "never loving a hoe" or "M.O.B.--money over bitches" (Now dont get me wrong, I am serious about my money, Id put money over a bitch too-- truth be told, but to what end? I need love, and I love money--PROBLEM?) I may be mistaken, but then again I am the girl who is the one stuck with the -no good men syndrome-so I think I would have a better sense of what is going on out there in the world of dating. them: "laughing-out-loud" good luck!
Now, I have had this conversation with countless of my friends and other people that just so happen to engage me on the subject, and I found a common trend...people think I am looking in the wrong places. I agree partly because good men should not be restricted to a certain activity or place of enjoyment. Good men (and I use that term loosely) should be everywhere! They should just be walking down the streets as Im walking my imaginary dog. Or in back of me at the check-out line of Whole Foods....just sayin.
Do people still date? Do people seriously still fucking date? If they do and I am just, like everyone so strongly believes looking in the wrong places, how, I ask can I redirect my compass. to find these MEN. Not that I am looking for a man to fall face down in my lap (but I woulnt necessarly be complaining), but It would be nice to have more men who are of something other than a dog trying to get to know me, only to....not have a car, not have a pad, not working, not in school, a cheater, a lier, a fucking con-artist, or just plain old stupid. (and yes if you dont have a car,spot,job, or education you do not qualify as a good man!) I mean, Im not trying to relinquish all the blame and put it on the men, because there are some "no-good" women out there as well, but the ratio is of no comparison. It is easier to find a women who has her shit in order then it is to find a man with the same resume.
First dates..2nd...3rd...and maybe even 4th dates should not be about who is going home to whoose house at the close of the tab, or if I pay I better get some ass, it should be about the other person and whether you see anything worthwhile in the person. Men if you are taking a women out on a date and you dont want to pay, then you should not be taking her out on a date PERIOD. That is more of an outing, then a date. If you are just friends and that is the way you get down then by all means...do your thing. But if you are interested in this woman and you think she is worth the time and energy, dont ruin her opinion of you by being a fucking cheap nigga when the check comes. If you didnt have it, your ass should have stayed your broke ass in the house and saved yourself and the pretty damsal the embarrasement. How rude is it to wait for the bill to come to announce as subtly as you can that your trife ass aint got enough to cover the bill? you dont have any damn money? I mean...I dont know about other ladies, but I.AM.RAW. so I would stand my pretty ass up, kiss him gently on the forehead and tell him thank you for dinner, and leave his ass to figure out the bill, while I hop my ass in the 911 coupe and dip to the hills, or call a friend to rescue me promptly (ladies, always have an escape route) . No need to get all mad or feel embarrased, the days of me letting niggas get the best of me have far past--
dead and gone-- and I dont have a problem laughing in your damn face and kicking rocks as if I never met you.
Just be a man about it. If your going to take the time out to take me out, dinning, then do that shit right. In time I will mos def return the favor.
Unitl then im still taking applications for the fall...2010.....BATTER.UP.
smile
xoxo
cityy
